Why, if he knows he is hurting me deeply, does he continue to use porn?

He may never absorb the reality of his wife/girlfriend’s pain into his mind and heart. These large problems that he has can act as blinders, preventing him from seeing reality and how others are feeling, outside of his chemical need for porn. Porn really is that detrimental.

Pornography has to be treated as an addiction, because it is just that.  With any addiction, he has to “own” what he is doing, before change can start.

Porn will never satisfy males. It may give a temporary illusion that it is satisfying, but it never satisfies the need that exists at the root of the problem.

They will begin to hide their actions at work, social activities, church, and to the family-their actions begin to lack true love and are shallow.

Porn addicts have substituted reality for a virtual reality essentially. They really see these pictures and movies, and themselves as living in a surreal world inside of them. They essentially become bodies that absorb exploitive stimulations.

They think that their purpose is sexual release, but is only a form of escape from the mental cell they are locked in with feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, & isolation. This is what you must consistently remember, being the woman in his life, at the heart of this addiction, is an inferiority complex.

They seem to fear rejection at all costs, which gives them anxiety about intimacy & commitment, and are really, only comfortable with superficial connections and may tend to push the people who are close to them away.

They may feel shame inside, badness, & a sense of pain, which they can’t seem to escape. They assume that they could never be forgiven or loved again. 

Very important throughout your struggle with his weakness is this: You need to understand and see that your self-esteem does not come from him. Your self-esteem is not connected to him, he didn’t invent it, therefore, he CANNOT take it away either!

Our Creator is the one who gives us value.  No man can match the love that the Creator has for us. A man cannot instill in you a sense of value. Don’t be deceived, as a woman in a relationship, in thinking and buying into this stronghold, and thinking that he controls who you are, your self-esteem, and value.

Why Does He Have Such Sources of Fear of Rejection?

These could be possible reasons:

It could come from a critical, rejecting mother.

He could have been teased by girls in school because of a defect, or from body image problems, they assumed this would exempt them from an accepting woman, or from a failed relational and sexual experience with the opposite sex.

All of these reasons above & various other reasons, can cause an underlying anger towards women who appear to them to hold their value & worth.  Because these men can be angry, they can DEMAND admiration & no longer have to “win” it.  The anger towards any women who have ever rejected or hurt them is focused on a porn image; therefore, lust, gratification, and hate come together to ignite the pleasure of conquest & domination in their mind.