(poem submitted to GAP, with permission to publish)
I am an empty, hollow shell of a man. A deep void is torn into my soul and constantly hungers; never to be sated. I fill that unending abyss with pornography. I view images of distorted paradises and listen to people who make empty promises.
I have done numerous things that I am ashamed of; that is one of the few emotions I know anymore:
shame, guilt, hate, rage. Genuine love is foreign to me. I do not know what it is like to be touched, held,
kissed... cherished.
I have lied and stolen to escape my misery. I have spent thousands of dollars to simply mistreat a wound which never heals. I am filled with violent anger. My mind is flooded with sadistic thoughts that I have to drown in.
I am tired and beaten down. I feel that there is no hope of ever escaping the cage I have built around myself. Every day which passes is one of mere existence, as I am more dead than alive.
I want to be like the people I hate. I want the pleasure,the beauty,the glory.Yet all I have is pain, repulsion and solitude. Some people swear that my problem doesn't even exist. But why does the ache feel so real?
I am lost and I am falling fast. I am a sex addict.
